Dear Osama:
You really need to chill, dude. I understand your frustration, but taking it out on the good ol' US of A is just a baaaaad idea. Let me give you some advice which will change your life. Take some time off. Find a nice quite cave somewhere and bring along your favorite concubine, fuzzy puppet, or goat - whatever you prefer - and follow these steps:
- Turn the lights down low. Chances are you are in a cave without electricity so this shouldn't be a problem.
- Put on some soft music. Western culture people have had great success with Barry White.
- Normally I would suggest wine, but seeing that you are a fundamentalist, I suggest some well-aged hashish.
- Talk to your partner - but not about work! Find out how they feel, what their dreams are, and what kind of tin cans taste the best.
- Cuddle and kiss your partner. Do not rush things!
- When the time is right, pull out a Fukuoku 9000 or Jack Rabbit Vibrator and go to town!
Follow my advice and you will be a changed man!
No comments:
Post a Comment